A Journey to the Center of Trumpistan (With apologies to Jules Verne)

Have you ever watched one of those movies in which a brave protagonist risks taking a new, untested potion or goes into the unfinished time machine against the warnings of colleagues?

“You can’t!  It hasn’t been tested.  You could die or come out of it horribly damaged.”

But the hero proceeds, despite entreaties and comes out of the experience exhausted and dazed with a profound change in his personality. 

Recently I had just such an experience.  A fellow on a liberal Facebook page had posted that he was going to troll a pro-Trump page and correct spelling errors.  Right off I concluded that the task would be like fishing with sticks of dynamite.  I mean really, where is the sport?

But his post did inspire me to explore the page myself.  I knew that there would be inherent dangers in this kind of a mission.  I could conceivably return from my journey a changed man; an evangelist perhaps; or maybe suspicious of foreign headgear like the dreaded hijab.  I might emerge with a belief that the Earth is only 6000 years old – and flat as a billiard table.  And I might return with a hatred for the Chinese for hatching that global warming hooey.

And then there would be the physical risks.  There was always the chance of my sides being completely split asunder from laughter or permanent neck damage from repetitive head shaking.  But I damned those risks and determined that I would take A JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF TRUMPISTAN!

I decided to use the same portal into Trumpistan that the aforementioned Facebook poster had taken.  It seemed the easiest and most direct route to the heart of Trumpistan; a Facebook page called THE TRUMPERS. 

Trumpistan is a self-described Christian nation.  It proclaims the glories of God and Jesus and The Ten Commandments.  It seems that Trumpistan has added three new commandments.

            Thou shalt not use spell check.

            Thou shalt defile the English language.

            Thou shalt not use words containing more than three syllables (they're having an obvious problem with this one).  

One of Trumpistan’s leaders noted in THE TRUMPERS pinned post;

NOTE: IF I HAVE ASSIGNED YOU AS ADMINISTRATOR OR OTHER,IT IS UP TO YOU TO EXCEPT OR NOT EXCEPT…,YOUR THE BEST AND I DO APPRECIATE IT.

Trumpistan is a land dotted with little white churches, attended by lily white people with small white minds.  Their religion does not recognize a Holy Trinity but rather two deities; one an old white guy with a long flowing gray beard and the other a pudgy orange faced god with an unusual comb over of strangely colored hair.  The huzzahs come in multitudes and the orange deity is often portrayed in communion with Jesus.  Following are some unedited examples:

            “God bless you both an let god give you the help you need to get through all these lies and evil people we are still all behind you from day 1 not giving up you are our president and to you vice president Mike pence we all love you to and just want our country back obama and Soros and Hillary are being a lot of this god bless and stay safe god bless our country” (Rumor has it that the use of the period will soon be banned in Trumpistan).

            O YES Please GOD Watch over Both the President and Vice President Plus Thier Family’s!!”

            “Thank both of you, for caring enough to serve our nation, with the one, who never lost a battle!!!He has your back!”

Examples of Trumpistani Christianity are shown below 

Trumpistan is apparently a nation of Christian forgiveness.  There is nary a mention of pussy grabbing, philandering, “alternative facts,” bearing false witness or any other transgressions that run counter to the Holy Bible.

Trumpistan does impose strict limits on forbearance and Christian charity however.  The line is usually drawn at some point just left of a Trumpistanian sect called Bannonism which is characterized by a speaking in tongues know alternately as billingsgate or hate speech.  Examples of this form of “christianity" are noted below:

            Teisa Tupou-Pati WE DON'T GIVE A CRAP, YOU DON'T NEED TO VISIT THE WH, GO VISIT OBAMA AND KILLARLY TRUMP IS TOO BUZY TO ENTERTAIN YOUR LOW UGLY AZZEZ. (An interesting observation that I made is that the person who posted this lists among her educational accomplishments, MS in Counseling). 

            “Gaybama is evil muslim and should be hung for treason lying stealing lowlife muslim”

            “1,000 dollar bounty on illegal muslims is coming !”

The Trumpistani religion does have a sacramental rite.  It is the transubstantiation of taking the oil of a snake and turning it into Kool Aid; a sacrament which the flock drinks in copious amounts. 

Trumpistan has a collection of state news organizations that report on events that apparently occur in some parallel universe to that of The United States of America. Among the headlines that I saw during my visit to Trumpistan were:

            Trump Administration to charge Obama with treason.

            Congressional Black Caucus introduces bill to tax people for being white.

            Obama caught red handed trying to sabotage Trump…This is treason.

            Holy Crap! Trump and Matis just bombed ISIS back to the Stone Age.

            NYPD preparing to arrest Hillary Clinton on pedophilia and treason charges.

Since many Trumpistanis found these stories to be believable we can deduce that in Trumpistan gullibility is a virtue and the use of hallucinogens is not only legal but encouraged.

Trumpistan has an abbreviated Constitution with a Bill of Right (just one).  A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.

Trumpistan is big on polling.  THE TRUMPERS have a variety of ongoing polls.

            Which First Lady is better, Melania or Michelle?

            How is President Trump doing so far?

            Describe Obama with one word.

            Should America Halt Muslim Immigration?

            Should Muslims be excluded from holding office in The U.S.A?

Trumpistan is not so big on The First Amendment though.  On the question of Muslims being excluded from holding office the answers were all a resounding yes; some with extra commentary.  Among the “Constitutional lightweights who commented:

            Dennis Trask - Their not even supposed to be in the United states in the first place. And the ones that are responsible for letting thies people in our country should be held accountable. And charged with treason for putting an entire nation at RISK

            Bill Litteral - Who in the hell comes up with these dumb ass questions. They don't belong in this country. Period.

            Richard Brasher - YES THEN SHOT

            LuAnn Smith - Yes and teaching and as Doctors and and nurses they ate Islam crazy (A reminder here – I’m including the posts exactly as written.  My name is not Spell Check).

One of my favorites though is a comment by Elsy Monroy:

            LIKE ... YEAH! LIKE THEY DON'T BELIEVE IN OUR CONSTITUTION, SO HOW CAN THEY HOLD OFFICE TO UPHOLD IT! BESIDES, IT IS A CHRISTIAN CONSTITUTION! WHERE WE RESPECT EVERY HUMAN BEING. (To be able to condense so much contradiction in one short paragraph is true art). 

Trumpistan isn’t big on Lady Liberty and that “Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.” deal.  Ronnie Meihofer  not only thinks that immigration of Muslims should be halted, he wants to “ round the 1s up here already and throw there asses the hell out of here.”

I returned from Trumpistan horribly shaken but sadly not surprised.  And yes, while I added some ironic commentary of my own the posts and comments that I recorded are exactly as taken from a Facebook Page called THE TRUMPERS. 

During the election cycle and immediately following the election, right up until a few weeks ago, I was willing to keep an open mind about Trump supporters.  Maybe some felt that they had some honest anger; maybe some cast a lesser of two evils vote; maybe they were actually afraid that Hillary was going to take their guns. Many of us base our votes on our own personal concerns at the time. Maybe on election day some voted with hope.  Hope that a self-proclaimed outsider would fix the problems that personally affected their lives. Maybe.

But we’re a month in now and I’ve lost patience with the people who voted for this monstrosity and continue to support him.  I’ve no patience for the stupid and the ill-informed.  I can’t abide people who refuse to drill down into stories on the internet either because they are too lazy or don’t want to be jogged out of their comfort zones. 

I am absolutely incredulous at the Elsy Monroy’s of America who express in print for all the world to see opinions such as; LIKE ... YEAH! LIKE THEY (Muslims) DON'T BELIEVE IN OUR CONSTITUTION, SO HOW CAN THEY HOLD OFFICE TO UPHOLD IT! BESIDES, IT IS A CHRISTIAN CONSTITUTION! WHERE WE RESPECT EVERY HUMAN BEING.

Where in the hell did this woman go to school? DID she go to school?  Was she sniffing glue in back of the schoolhouse when her teachers covered American History and The United States Constitution? Where does this shit come from?  And is it trickling down to the next generation? 

I’m not ignorant and naïve enough to have denied that these people exist.  But that realization doesn’t make scrolling through THE TRUMPERS any less depressing.  These are hopeless cases; the ones who will never, ever come around. These are people who will lay on their very deathbeds praising the demise of Obamacare and all the while wondering why their coverage under The Affordable Care Act isn’t paying the medical bills. 

They will cling to their own twisted views of The United States Constitution and American History.  They will believe in a Christianity that defies anything that Jesus taught.  They feast on fear, exclusion, jingoism and xenophobia.  They find no joy in anything that doesn’t fit their American ideal of a white, uniform, Christian America in a Norman Rockwell painting. 

I’ve lost patience with these people. They are as un-American as those who preceded them; Jefferson Davis, Lester Maddox, Jesse Helms and Joseph McCarthy. 

Feel free to visit Trumpistan if you must.  Just prepare to return disgusted and depressed.    

~ Posted by Paulie, San Francisco CA